Today, she applied the same light make up that she used to during her office going days – she dabbed some kajal in her beautiful expressive eyes, some lip gloss and her favorite Davidoff perfume that her ex- colleague gifted her on her birthday. That was then, when she was a social butterfly…but now things have changed for better in some ways but not so good in many ways.
No, motherhood was not thrust upon her. She embraced it only when she wanted…she always wanted to keep a healthy gap of 6-7 years after marriage to the love of her life. Though she met many raised eyebrows and criticisms, yet she hold on to her decision always. After all it’s her life!
Like any mother, she thought that life is a celebration when her daughter was born. She was in love with life. She discovered herself in many ways- the joys, the strengths and the capabilities that she never knew she had within her. She often told herself while looking at her bundle of joy, “Wow, I am a mom now. Very soon, my daughter will grow up and embrace me with her tiny hands and say, “Ma” – How wonderful will that day be!” that day indeed came very fast and her happiness knew no bounds. Tears of joy rolled down her eyes…
Fast forward to the present day
Gradually, her daughter is growing up in front of her eyes and her attachment with her is also growing in leaps and bounds. Slowly, she has now started thinking of getting back to work. Her work has always formed a big part of her identity and she wants to maintain it like that. She is cognizant of the fact that her present situation may not allow her to take up a full time job, so she is looking for some part time or freelance work. The idea is to start somewhere at least, to tell herself, yes, she can. Everyone has commitments and she has to answer the call too. And why not?! She is the only child of her parents and her mom is a cancer patient…she has learnt life in a hard way.
Today, she is a mother, a wife, a parent to her own parents and more…but somewhere deep down in her heart, she misses being herself. She feels that her creative juices are all drying up. She at times feel guilty laughing or sharing a joke with somebody or to go out shopping with friends. She is caught in the tentacles of time, to meet certain expectations that society imposes. It’s like she is present and absent at the same time. Her inner self cries out to be heard, to be free. She has everything, yet there is an unexplained emptiness within her. Her inner self cries out, “Shoot up”. And shoot she must, as the rising star because she has miles to go before she sleeps and lots of ‘promises to keep’. That’s when a realization dawned on her- to express herself always, in all possible ways because as Maya Angelou said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” How very true indeed! She knew this always but somewhere it got buried in the myriad things of life.
Well, as they say, all’s well that ends well; henceforth she knows how to sing the song of life, to put herself in the list of things as well, to be in the system to change the system because she now knows that all stress, anxiety, depression, is caused when we ignore ourselves, and start living only for others. Cheers to life! A new journey begins from here…
This is the story of ‘She’, of every woman who holds on to her beliefs, who finds her calling to be back with a bang, no matter how hard the going is. A salute to womanhood!