I faced my fear and said ‘Hello’ to life…

I chose optimism in the face of adversity…that was four years ago. The then self of me was nervous and afraid.

Yes, indeed fear is a fact of life that you cannot avoid, so when I got the opportunity to face it, I said ‘Hello’ to life. Life is my daughter, Hiya. She is precious to me just as I am precious to my mom. So, when my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma four years ago, life became a standstill. I could not accept it at all…my inner self cried out…’what? How can my mom get it?! She is so strong.’ It is still hard to believe it but now at least I have come to terms with it.

I witnessed the pain my mom underwent when she had to face several chemotherapy and radiotherapy sessions. Words fall short when feelings take over… so what I felt exactly is beyond words to say…

She yearned to see the face of her grandchild, which I kept postponing thinking that the decision to have a child can wait always, in all ways for various reasons…a bit of trypanophobia or the thought of my career taking a backseat or the thought that a child is a huge responsibility and so I am not ready etc. But the nights spent at the hospital where I used to sit beside my mom’s bed made me think otherwise. It changed me as a person. It dawned on me that if this lady can endure so much pain, so can I. After all, I am her daughter! Compared to her pain, my labour pain was nothing. I went on to have a normal delivery though I was 30+, thus fighting all odds – the myths and misconceptions that are usually related to having your first child post 30.

My life, just like anyone else’s is not a bed of roses…so after that incident, when life is tough, I seek inspiration and optimism from life itself. A life given by my mom to me, which I treasure always for my daughter. I have learnt not to take anything for granted…

So, here I am today – on one hand, a proud mother of a toddler who keeps me busy all day, keeps me grounded, makes me relive my childhood and find joy in the simple pleasures of life. While on the other hand, I am my mom’s friend, her naughty daughter, her parent, sometimes her still immature child who fails to understand why her mom was chosen to have cancer, why she can never have a ‘normal’ mother daughter shopping outing, why her physiotherapy session takes so long…amidst many such why’s, I now know it’s no good asking so many questions in life, but how I deal with life that is most important. I choose not to be a mere puppet in the hands of fate but to try and improve the quality of her life. I may not be able to ease her pain but I can definitely encourage her to do what she loves to do – spreading cheer in life…a search for a new identity has just began…and we have “miles to go” before our sleep.

3 generations (Picture taken from my phone)

3 generations
(Picture taken from my phone)

I have learnt to embrace life as is. Thanks to Housing.com for allowing me to share my life’s story.

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